Dear Paxton,

When we were leaving for the hospital, your dad informed me that he was going to drive slow, because there might be cops out.  Your daddy has clearly never been in labor.  I kept my cool for the most part.  It’s true what they tell you, you can’t walk, talk, or breathe when you are having the real contractions.  Ouch.

We got to the hospital around 2:00 in the morning.  They checked me to make sure my water had broke (apparently people pee themselves all the time and think it’s time.)  I’m glad I wasn’t sent home with a potty lecture.  The contractions picked up and they admitted me to room 714.  They asked if I wanted an epidural.  Ummm, yes, I would’ve taken one the day I found out I was pregnant.  Now’s the time that you find out that your mom is a wimp.  Zero pain tolerance.  If you have something that will make this pain go away, give it to me…yesterday.

We got excited because I was progressing quickly.  We kept saying, “I bet this baby will be here by ___(insert every hour between 4:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m.)______________.  I stalled at 9.5 cm dilated.  You have to be at 10 cm to push.  I was at 9.5 for six loooooooong hours before they decided I could try to push through it.  You were face-up and pretty content.  Pushing isn’t anything like you see in the movies.  It is a full body, exhausting, excruciating thing.  I threw up 6 times.  Don’t eat the popsicles they give you.

In the delivery room, we had the most amazing nurse, Kendra.  She is from Auburn, and I felt so comfortable having her in there.  She stepped out for a few minutes for lunch and in stepped drill sergeant nurse.  Drill sergeant nurse thought that if she yelled at me to push and said, “Come on, you’ve got more than that.” or “You have to be able to hold your breath for 10 seconds,” that I would in fact be able to push harder.  I’m not sure if I said nasty words to her face or just thought them in my head.  I think my body decided to slow down and not push so hard, because there was no way I was having her in the room when you entered the world.  Kendra came back, and it was game time.  There was also a resident student in the room.  I will never forget her.  She stood in the room with huge eyes, completely terrified of the whole process.  I’m guessing that she dropped out of med school the next day.

After over 3 hours of pushing, another doctor (they called him the baby whisperer) came in and was able to turn you.  At 4:18 p.m. on January 9th, 2013, I experienced the most raw, true love I had ever felt.  I love your dad more than anything in the world, but holding you was a different kind of love.  It was what I was supposed to do with my life.  The first thing the doctors/nurses said was, “Chunky monkey!”  You really weren’t that big (7 lbs 6 oz, 20 inches long), but your cheeks were ridiculously huge and wonderful.

I was so overwhelmed with these feelings that much of that day remains a blur.  God does that on purpose.  When I finally got a peek in the mirror, I realized how incredible this journey is, and also, why God helps you forget.  My eyes and face were extremely swollen.  I had burst several blood vessels in my eyes.  I looked like I had been hit by a truck.  The only evidence of that was on my phone…which I dropped in the toilet (for the 3rd time).  So, you don’t have to see your mom in her prettiest.  Lucky you.

I love you,

Your mom.