Dear Paxton,

Those three weeks before Spring Break were hard.  Everyone kept telling me that it would get easier, and they lied.  The more you began to smile and respond, the harder it became.  When Grammy would watch you, she would walk you up to the school to see me.  I lived for those moments (and so did my students).  They adored you.  You became part of my behavior management system.  If the class made good choices, I would show them a “Pax Picture” or a “Pax Video” before the bell would ring.  This is a picture of us on my first day back to school.  I couldn’t wait to get home to you.  I still can’t.

You started sleeping through the night between 7 and 8 weeks old.  It was a beautiful thing!  I still woke up to pump in the middle of the night, but it was nice to know you were sound asleep!  You went through a couple weeks in late April where you woke up at 2:00 a.m. on the dot, but then you went back to sleeping 9-7.  We were so lucky.

Daddy was able to watch you for a week and then I had you all to myself.  Aaaaah.  Our first day of spring break together, it snowed over 15 inches.  I ended up putting my car in a ditch with you and Jersey in it on the way back from Clinton.  It shook me up pretty bad, but you slept through the whole thing.  As if I didn’t already know, I became more aware of how much you mean to me.

While I was in Clinton for Easter, your Dad hurt his knee playing soccer.  He figured he needed surgery, but was going to wait until the summer.  He was on crutches for a couple weeks and it was hard to handle things around the house.  Grammy would come over on the weekends to help clean and snuggle you.

After spring break, you were going to start daycare.  We were fortunate to have a daycare provider that we knew pretty well, and I felt fairly at ease with(I say fairly because no matter where we sent you, it wasn’t going to be me watching you).  I think Staci had to change her phone plan, because I pretty much texted her any chance I got to make sure you were doing ok.  She was very understanding, I guess I’m not the first crazy parent she’s dealt with.  She sent me pictures of you throughout the day.  You were  a big hit at daycare, with the kids, and with her bulldog, Fiona.

I would go and see you every day during lunch and either feed you or just hold you for a little bit.  I have to say, my school days changed a lot after having you.  I would go to work around 7:30, pump during any break I had, and leave right after school to pick you up.  I had to really learn how to manage my time to make sure my kids didn’t suffer from me becoming a mom.

The very last day of school was my birthday.  Your dad ended up with the day off because they had a power outage at his school.  He brought you in to our room for an ice cream party.  You loved seeing all the kids.  I was giddy over the fact that you would be mine again soon!  Here are some more pictures of you during the last several weeks of school…

I love you,

Your mom.