Dear Paxton and Michael,

Technically, dandelions are weeds.

They annoy people because they pop up out of nowhere and have a root system that is quite impressive.

They decorate our yard like sprinkles on top of a cupcake.

I think dandelions are beautiful. They are bright, they have a neat pattern, they make me happy.  Really, aren’t marigolds just glorified dandelions anyway?  So Pax, naturally I beamed when you walked in the door the other day and said, “Mama, I pickt some boootiful fwowers for you,” and there sat a handful of dandelions.

Our house sits on a long road of well-manicured, country club type yards.  But, in sticking to my inner-rebel, our yard is spotted with dandelions.  Sometimes I feel like it glows in the dark in comparison to these other finely pruned yards.

It’s been so long since I last wrote, and honestly, the time to write is simply not there.  In the past several months, we had a beautiful Mother’s Day, celebrated my birthday (which consisted of me being home sick with both of you, who were also sick, and watching Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas at 7:00 in the morning). When I woke up, the morning of my birthday, I told your uncle Logan that turning 30 was much like turning 21… I woke up lying on the floor (of Pax’s bedroom) with a sore back, headache, and puke on my shirt that wasn’t mine.  Shoot, maybe it was even more exciting than turning 21.

We’ve had trips to the park, the Penny Arcade, Cave of the Winds and the zoo.  We’ve had picnics at Garden of the Gods and time to just play.   We’ve roasted marshmallows, blown bubbles, and been on walks.  We’ve spent time hanging out with your cousin, Lane and several other kids.  I’ve started Grad School at Colorado State University in Pueblo and your Daddy is teaching summer school.  By the time that you are both in bed, the house is picked up, and my homework is done, I can’t wait to crash!

We loaded up the SUV and drove through the night back to Illinois to attempt to visit as many people as we could in one week.  Our trip was nothing short of amazing.  We left around 7:00 p.m. after baths and supper.  Ike, you cut two teeth the day we left and hadn’t napped at all.  It made for a crazy day as far as packing went, but once we buckled you in the carseat, you were out like a light.  Pax, you held strong until about 9:00, and then only woke up when we stopped for gas.  We stayed at Grandma Connie and Grandpa JoJo’s house.  Ike slept in a pack-n-play in their spare bedroom upstairs while we set up your crib downstairs next to a pull-out couch for us.  Turns out, we didn’t really need your crib, because you slept with us every night.  The first day there, you played “bad guys” with your cousins downstairs and that was all it took to keep you out of your bed. You have a wild imagination, just like your mom, and it doesn’t take much to scare you. It was wonderful seeing old friends and family.  It’s amazing how much you realize you’ve missed people when you see them again.  I felt like we didn’t have long enough with anyone, especially because we were trying to see so many people.  Still, it was a truly wonderful trip.

Pax, you ran your first race in true Pax fashion.  I was debating on whether or not I should take video or pictures, and this nice gentlemen next to me said, “If you want, I can take pictures and text them to you so you can just do video.”  Yesssss.  So here we were, all set up with our phones in our hands, a line of paparrazzi ready to catch the lightning bolt that you are.  Only, it wasn’t like that.  All the kids ran by and he said to me, “What was she wearing again?  I think I missed her.”  It was then that I looked back at the start line and saw you standing there.  You had to let everyone go first so all eyes could be on you.  That’s my girl.  We spent wonderful time with your grandparents and I got to see some friends who are so dear to my heart.  It was refreshing to my soul.  We headed back to Colorado, and while it was hard to leave, those mountains were certainly calling us back home.

You’re both changing so much, so fast.

Ike, you are now 10 months old. You. Don’t. Sit. Still. Ever. I’m completely serious. You’re so different than Pax was at this age. I laugh as I think back to telling my friends that I could barely keep up with her.  I had no idea.  It is a strenuous workout just to attempt to hold you. You pull yourself up on everything and are trying so hard to walk. You’ve taken a couple steps here and there, but your balance is still pretty terrible, and I’m certainly not rushing this walking business.  You fly up the stairs in no time flat.  Pax didn’t walk until she was 15 months old, and for some reason, I thought we would have the same “bumper” period with you. You know the one where I could sit you down and surround you with toys and you couldn’t actually go anywhere and I could still get some things done? Yeah, that lasted maybe a day with you. Changing your diaper is a full Olympic sport requiring several people or at least a poncho and towels.  You are also a mystery when it comes to nursing. Occasionally you’ll commit to it first thing in the morning, and only if it’s dark in your room and Jersey doesn’t bust in to find me. All other times you are too distracted. It’s been more of a challenge than I thought it would be- pumping, bottle feeding, and trying to chase two kids around. You are, however, big into eating real food (and dog food, and sticks, and pinecones, and rocks, and worms). You are eating pretty much the same meals I fix for your Daddy and I.  Sometimes, you eat just as much, too.  At your 9 month check up, I expressed concern that you weren’t getting enough milk because you are so distracted, but I figure with your weight in the 90’s on the percentile rank, you’re doing just fine.  You have two bottom teeth and four on the top, which are miles apart.  When you smile, your whole face scrunches up into a ball of cuteness.  Really, you are one big ball of cuteness, and it’s a darn good thing you’re so cute.  I’ve never seen a child love music the way that you do.  Anytime you hear music, you start rocking, bouncing, and waving your arms.  It’s been a beautiful distraction when we need to keep you still for 2 seconds.  It also means you love going to church, and boy do those women at church love you.  But just from a distance, because you won’t let anyone hold you except the people that make your short list- myself, sometimes your Daddy, Ammy and Pop-Pop.  When we went back to Illinois, it became a running joke to see who could hold you the longest.  Nobody made it very long, and I returned with some pretty impressive biceps.  I thought from the beginning that I knew your personality, but I was so off.  You were my little snuggler, but now you are on a mission of mass destruction.

Pax, you find beauty in everything, including dandelions.  I still stare at you and wonder how we got so lucky.  You are strong willed and set in your ways.  At a cookout with Daddy’s coworkers, you fell and scraped up both of your hands.  It was your first real injury.  We had bandaids on almost every finger, some fingers required two.  It was really hard for awhile, because you suck your fingers to put yourself to sleep.  I had worried that we wouldn’t be able to break you of it, and that you’d still be doing it in school, but the bandaids proved me wrong.  Everyday, you’d ask if your fingers were ready, and we’d tell you, “Not yet.”  Eventually, you no longer needed that comfort and didn’t even try.  I’m glad, but I secretly miss it a little.  It’s just one more thing that makes you a big girl now, instead of my little baby!  You’ve started to love all things art, and I wonder if you’ll take after me in that aspect.  You love to paint especially, and to take pictures. I spent a long time debating potty-training with you.  You told me that you “loved diapers and would be so sad if I made you wear panties.”  One morning I decided I was going for it.  We drove to Walmart, filled our cart with incentives, stickers, and m&m’s.  I don’t know what I was thinking tackling this when your daddy was gone at summer school from 7-1, but that’s the way I tend to do things.  We set a potty-timer, went naked, and stayed next to the potty seat as much as we could.  We spent a lot of timing playing in the front yard, minus pants.  All the people that come up here for a drive to see the houses, really got a special treat.  You wanted me to hold your hand or sit next to you during potty breaks, which meant that Ike had precious time to destroy things.  During potty breaks, I was pulling him out of Jersey’s water bowl, taking his hands out of the toilet, telling him to quit chewing on the TV stand, and cleaning up whatever it was he was currently tearing into pieces.  Boys.  We’ve started yelling, “The moose is on the loose” when your brother is getting into things.  I often wonder what the neighbors think when we have our windows open.  You took right up to potty-training and we decided on your second night to have a “campout” for your success!  We set up a tent in our backyard, and you were so excited to sleep in it with Mommy and Daddy.  At 10:00, I was wondering if it was truly a good idea or not.  The conversation went something like this:

Mommy and Daddy: (silence. yawning)

Pax: “Hey Mamma, what you doing over there?  COCKADOODLEDOO!  Daddy, do you see any bears?  Mamma, am I wearing panties or a diaper?  There were ten in the bed and the little one said, ROLL OVER!  Guys, are we in a tent?  What was that?  Do I have panties on?  Look at my shadow!  Mom, do you feel my stinky piggies in your face?  Am I wearing a diaper?”

It. was. exhausting.   Eventually you caved in and fell asleep in my arms.  it was beautiful for 5 minutes, and then my back started to hurt, I got cold, and I wondered if I was too old for this business.  Then 5 minutes into my escape of rolling my arm out from underneath you, your brother started wailing.  We had his monitor in the tent with us, although I didn’t think we’d need it, because he has slept so good for weeks.  Well, it happened 2 times, and then on the third time, he was up for almost an hour.  Turns out he wanted his own little party.  I didn’t make it back into the tent with you that night, but in theory, you had the BEST NIGHT EVER!  You’re just as sweet as they come and we’re so lucky to be able to watch you grow, to teach your brother, and to give us constant laughs.

Life is so incredibly busy, and so much fun.  We’re catching small glimpses of you two actually playing together and getting along.  Those small glimpses are sometimes followed by Ike trying to rip out handfuls of Pax’s hair, or Pax kicking Ike in the face, but hey, we’re getting there.

Today, I tell you this- always find the beauty in dandelions.  Strive to be like those dandelions.  Yes, I just told you to be like a weed, and I’m ok with that.  Plant your roots in the ground and let them spread.  Don’t let people hold you back.  When you get knocked down, broken, even completely pulled out, grow right back, only stronger.  Shine beautifully in your own unique way, a way that catches on and spreads throughout others.

I fear the less I write, the more I’ll forget about your childhood.  Then, I think, how could I possibly forget this?  I simple adore the fact that I get to love you like I do.  These sweet summer days with my babies.  I never want to forget the smell of sunscreen on your skin that is so pale it’s almost transparent.  I never want to forget the look in your eyes when I walk into your room to get you up from a nap.  I never want to forget how tight you hold on when I pick you up or the way you play with my necklace when you’re sitting in my lap.  As busy as we are, I’d put the pause button on life at any moment and keep it just like this.  This is real.  Dandelions and all.  It just doesn’t get any sweeter.

I love you,

Your mom.