Dear Paxton and Ike,

I learned a lot about life from the back seat… of a tandem bicycle.

Ammy was a crazy bicyclist. At one point, she decided to turn our playroom into an extra room to watch TV.  I think it was discussed that it could be a sort of date room, or a room where our friends could hang without being in the way.  The best part was, there was this itty bitty television, but you couldn’t actually see it very well because all of mom’s bikes were hanging from the ceiling in that room.

One of the Christmases I remember the most entailed a bunch of little notes leading your Uncle Logan and I all over our house, through the barns, and culminating with new bikes for each of us. Ammy couldn’t just put a bow on it like any other parent, we had to do things like “Walk backwards 20 steps” and “Face the pond and take 8 strides.”  If I ever do things like that to you, know that I come by it honestly.  Ammy’s dad, your papa, still likes to wrap individual $1 bills in about 6 layers of duct tape.   The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

We started small, rides to and from town (about 7 miles one way).  Then we would make this trip to Warrensburg, a nearby town, and back. That was special because there was a little restaurant where we could eat barbecue and drink lemonade.  Then, all of the sudden, we were riding our bikes to school (again, 7 miles away) and being signed up for some longer bike rides, 25 miles here, 50 miles there.  Ammy had a couple road bikes, a mountain bike, and eventually, a tandem.  It was a red Burley tandem, and it was beautiful.  I don’t know how it was decided who got to ride on the back of the tandem, but it was usually me.  Actually, now that I type that, I get it.  Ammy picked the wimp. I would ride on the back of that tandem to school, hop off, put my helmet in my locker, and Ammy would ride it the rest of the way to work, by herself, with those back pedals spinning as if they were being powered by an imaginary person.

We spent a lot of miles on the pavement, dodging willy worms (you know, those fat caterpillars), talking about life, flying down hills and crawling up them.  I thought I was really sneaky, and I would occasionally (ok, all the time) take my feet off the pedals, leaving Ammy to pull our weight by herself.

Eventually we were doing some of the larger, multiple day rides.  PAC-RACC was a three day, 220 mile ride.  That’s a lot of time to spend on a bike, no matter if you are 12 or 32.  Some years it poured, some years it was miserably windy or hot.  We rode on that tandem bicycle with a battery powered radio strapped right behind my seat and a coonskin tail dangling from the antenna.  (Yes, I too am a bit embarrassed reading that back to myself!)  We rode, or at least I did, for the rest stops.  At the rest stops, we would get off the bike, grab a snack, fill up our water bottles, and chat with fellow cyclists.  I still distinctly remember the taste of gatorade coming out of my waterbottle, the smell of my bike gloves after riding all day, and the muscle cramps in my butt while cruising along to some country music.

I learned valuable lessons on the back of that bike, things I couldn’t have learned sitting at home playing video games.  Things like: 1) Once your underwear is wet, you can’t get any wetter (so stop complaining about the fact that it’s raining and we still have 60 miles to ride), 2) you will crash, 3) you better get up and keep going, 4) always wear a helmet, no matter how ‘uncool’ you think it is, 5) don’t get too excited about downhills, there’s bound to be an uphill real soon.

Life right now, as crazy as it sounds with working full time, finishing up my master’s degree, moving into a new house, etc… life right now is a downhill.  I think it’s one of the reasons I haven’t spent much time on this blog, I almost feel guilty talking about things going well.

The month of July was full of many adventures.  Selfishly, I love July because Daddy works at summer school and I get you both all to myself.  I also had a break in grad school classes in July this year, so besides editing thousands of pictures, you had all my attention.

I’ve decided that I want to devote this year to exploring more of the beautiful state we live in.  I’ve always wanted a camper, and I started really laying it on heavy with Daddy.  After all, I’m pretty convincing and I can usually get what I want.  I still don’t have a camper.

On the 4th of July, we went up to Denver to Logan and Kelsey’s house.  There was a small parade in their neighborhood, and then we swam for a bit.  It gets more and more fun each time we get together, watching you two play with Lane.

We tried to time the drive home so that we could catch some fireworks along the way.  We pulled over at a little scenic overlook after stopping for chocolate milk.  As soon as we parked, Daddy looked at me and said, “Is Ike going to puke?”  I turned around and recognized that look…and got him unbuckled and out of the carseat in under a second.  I, in a moment of desperation, could only extend my arms and hold him straight out while he puked everywhere, all over himself, a little over me, splattering all over the pavement.  I was just so ecstatic that I didn’t have to clean up the carseat, that I said, “Nice job, team!”  I heard some additional dry heaving that I didn’t recognize, and it was then that I realized that the entire vehicle next to us had their windows down and had watched, listened to, and smelled the entire thing.  Did we head home?  No, we changed shirts and went to watch some fireworks!  Turns out we were entirely too far away to see anything, so we hopped back in the car and headed towards home.  Pax, you hadn’t slept all day and it was nearing 9:30 p.m.  We were keeping you awake so you could see them on the drive.  We caught a beautiful show near Manitou Springs, and you finally passed out .  When Daddy woke you up to carry you inside, you moaned and said, “No more fireworks, let me sleep!”

When our deck was inspected at the new house, they found several rotten boards.  Because that was my favorite part of the house, and because we plan on staying here for a very long time, we decided to go ahead and have it torn down and rebuilt.  This meant a lot of noise and a couple weeks of having a 12 foot drop-off right outside the front door.  The contractor asked if we wanted to save $500 and stain the boards ourselves.  That seemed like such a great idea at the time, but it really took a chunk out of our time together. Because of this, you were both forced to play together and to entertain yourselves.  Ammy was in Florida helping out with Papa’s heart surgery and PopPop was busy with his own projects.  Somewhere in this 3 week period, Pax, you began to express yourself/ beg for attention, using your clothes.  This stage has no end in sight…

Daddy has been busy training for the Pike’s Peak Ascent.  Just writing that sentence makes me happy.  The Ascent is what always brought my family out to this area for vacation, and now we live in it.  We can’t wait to cheer him on next month as he climbs America’s Mountain (aka, our front yard).

In these sweet couple months of coasting downhill, we’ve had our series of adventures.  Our own personal exploring of this beautiful place we call home.

I learned a lot on the backseat of that tandem.  Right now, it’s simply about enjoying the ride.  Watching you two grow into the little people you’re becoming is my favorite thing in the world.  I’m trying to hold my breath.  You know that sweet feeling when you are coasting downhill and the wind is blowing against your face.  You lift your legs up for a second (or a lot of seconds if you’re on the back of the tandem) and all seems right with the world.  I know that at the other end of the downhill comes the uphill, but for right now, right in this moment, I’m feeling the breeze.

I love you both,

Your mom.

Dear Paxton and Ike,

I just got an email saying that I haven’t posted in 7 months.  7 months?!?  But just yesterday I was writing that I would write again soon.  Sorry, team.  It’s been a jam-packed 7 months. I’m going to break it up into May and June for this post, and then I’ll do another to catch us up to speed.

When I left off last, I was throwing myself a big pity party because things weren’t going my way.  We had just lost out on a house that we really wanted, I was taking 3 classes and working a full+ time job, and I was mad.

We continued to look at houses, and resorted to the fact that we were probably going to have to buy a fixer-upper if we wanted to stay in this area and have a large enough house. I continued to stalk the websites any chance I got, because you have to move that fast when you find something you like.  Another house in Green Mountain Falls came on the market.  It was really big, near Ammy and PopPop, and had tons of potential, but very little parking or yard space.  We looked at it and immediately Ammy and I fell in love with parts of it.  It had this all wooden “Great Room” that had an entire wall of windows and a huge fireplace on another wall.  It needed major work, every room.  There was this really awkward master bathroom with a walk in shower, only the wall that should be between the shower and the bedroom was actually a window, not a wall.  I love your daddy, but I’m not starting every day with that show. It had a really neat little sunroom that I envisioned being a cute little studio.

The house was in our price range, but would require at least a $40-60 thousand dollar renovation over time.  We decided to sleep on it, and then called the realtor that we wanted to see it again that weekend.  He set us up for Saturday at 11 a.m.  We talked more about that house, and decided that we would probably make an offer on Saturday. Friday morning, I did my realtor.com check before school started.  There was a new house in Cascade, across the highway from our current house.  In Cascade, they have what’s called “The Sunny Side” and “The Shady Side.”  It all depends on which side of the highway you’re on, and how the mountains affect your light in the afternoon.  This house was way different than the others that we’d seen, and maybe that’s because it was also way out of our price range.  It was more modern, and it was in a neighborhood packed with families instead of vacation properties.  I emailed the listing to your dad, and said, “I know this is too much, but…”  Daddy analyzes all of our financial decisions.  Just like everything else in life, I react first, and then think.  I saw a picture today that read, “I don’t like to think before I talk.  I like to be just as surprised by what comes out of my mouth as you are.”  Someone out there must have the same struggles I do. 🙂

Somewhere in the mix of all of this, Ike, you ran into a table at Ammy and PopPop’s and got a really nasty knot on your head, paired with two black eyes.  I joked that it would never go away, that’s not so funny now.

Daddy actually loved that new house from the pictures.  It didn’t have a garage (one of his must-haves), but it had 3 bedrooms, an open concept, a basement, a wrap around deck, and yard space.  Finding yard space when you’re purchasing a house on the side of a mountain is a pretty daunting task.  He decided to humor me, and let me call the realtor to set up a showing.  Knowing how fast houses were flying off the market, I tried to get in that day.  They weren’t accepting showings until the following day, so we got the first one that morning, right before going to see that other house again.

I told my brain, my heart, my wallet, and my husband to not let me fall in love with that house.  None of them listened.  We pulled up and walked through the gate, and every memory of exactly what I pictured my life like with kids came flooding in.  It was an awful baby poop color of paint, and not just that, but they had picked 3 different baby poop shades to paint the house.  However, I couldn’t have even told you what color that house was when I walked through the gate.  I saw grass, a deck that went on for miles, and the most incredible view of the mountains.  I fell in love with that house before we even opened the front door.  Once inside, the house was taken over by natural light.  Side note, when I first met your daddy, he was living in a little rental house right next to your Grandma and Grandpa.  Every. Single. Window. was covered with dark curtains.  I’ll be the first to admit that I have a touch of that seasonal affective disorder.  I need sunshine.  This house has enormous picture windows that give you a view of the mountains from every room.  There are two bedrooms right next to each other on the main floor, and then a staircase up to the master suite, which is the entire upstairs. The master has a walk out balcony, a huge bathroom, a walk-in closet in the bathroom, and a spare little room (which would make a perfect nursery, but everyone else seems to disagree.)  Downstairs, there is a large basement, a laundry room, another bathroom, and a mudroom.  I looked at your daddy and he saw that look in my eyes and knew we were in trouble.

We didn’t go to that other house that day.  We put a full price offer on that first house, and you know what, we got it.  We spent the next few days actually getting our house ready to put on the market.  Cleaning a house with a one year old and a three year old is like trying to keep two puppies in a one foot square.  You clean up one room and then spend the next however many hours putting things back where they go. I volunteered to photograph our house, because I knew I could strategically hide things in each room before the tornado called Ike would come through like a wrecking ball. In what seemed like the craziest move in the entire world, our realtor wanted to try out a new strategy.  He wanted to list our house on a Friday, have an open house on a Saturday, and only accept offers until 8 p.m. that night with no other showings.  I said absolutely not.  The realtor asked me how I would feel if I had his child in my class and he came in and tried to tell me how to teach.  Point taken, do what you want realtor man.

He listed our house on a Friday morning at ten.  The open house was from 11-3 the next day. I had to go up to Denver that morning to take a test to become endorsed in Gifted and Talented education.  I wasn’t even the last person in our house before the open house, it was your daddy and both of you.  You know I have control issues, that combined with test anxiety put me in not so tremendous shape that day!

We got five offers at that open house, all above the asking price.  The person who bought it, didn’t even see it, but had her realtor video the walk through on his cell phone.  Here’s a fun fact, it was the same realtor we used to buy that very house two years ago.  The same realtor that I went round and round with.  God’s trying to give me a second chance at being nice with this guy, I think.

Everything became a whirlwind of inspections, signing papers, etc.  We set a closing date for our new house towards the end of May, and a closing date for the house we were selling for the middle of June.  It just so happened that we would be gone for 3 out of 4 weeks in the month of June.  It was also nearing my week of finals at grad school. Let the good times roll.

We had our final walkthrough on Monday afternoon.  They had been in doing some painting, and wouldn’t you know it, Ike found the tiny closet housing that wet paint, and stepped in it. Ike, your chapter in my book will always be called, “It’s a good thing you’re cute.”

We closed on our dream house Tuesday afternoon, although we didn’t plan on moving in until that Saturday.  I spent the rest of that week going over and painting after we put you both to bed.  I would come home at 1 in the morning, do a little homework, and then catch a couple hours of sleep.  As crazy as it was, it was so nice to do it this way, and be able to move things gradually.  On my birthday, which was that Saturday, a few amazing friends met at the house, and we moved in for good.  I’ll never forget your daddy going to pick up the U-Haul and running back in the house to ask me what to do if it was a stick shift instead of automatic.  I replied, “Call me, and I’ll drive it.”  Our relationship is so typical.

It was certainly NOT my 24th birthday, that’s just how great my village is!

We were in the new house for a total of 3 nights before we headed off to Florida with Ammy to see Papa and Gee for a week.  In those nights, I had to go back to the old house every night after you went to bed because we didn’t have internet yet, and I had a ton of homework to do.  It felt like a mean joke, and I didn’t think I was ever going to catch up.

Back to Florida, it was your first time flying, and I was a nervous wreck.  (One should never use the word wreck when referring to flying.)  I’m not sure how much I have told you about my luck with flying, but it’s not good.  I’m really good at screwing up the times, forgetting things, and trying to bring knives through the airport.  Needless to say, Ammy prefers to fly without my help!  I felt semi-prepared for this trip, although packing for three people is a lot more stressful than packing for just one.  We took off early in the morning for the airport, and we made it about 10 minutes before I made us turn around.  That’s not bad, right?

The flight was 3 1/2 hours long, and we didn’t get you a seat, Ike.  I thought I’d save us the $450 and let you sit on my lap.  At the time, I neglected to really think about those words- “sit for 3 1/2 hours.”  You know when they let the bulls out at rodeos?  The bulls that have been confined to those tiny cages, and they have a bull-rider on their backs, and they have one goal- to buck as much as possible to get said bull-rider to fall off?  That’s what it was like trying to get you to sit for 3 1/2 hours.  “But ma’am, he needs to have a seatbelt on.”  Ha, be my guest you sweet little flight attendant.  In fact, feel free to take him up to the cockpit and put a seatbelt on him.  I even tried to drug you both with Dramamine.  (Don’t judge me, all you perfect parents).  It had the opposite effect.  It was like watching a pinball fly through a machine, only that machine was filled with people.

It could’ve been worse, as Ammy always says.  You didn’t cry, you just didn’t stop moving.  We got to Florida and picked up our rental car, and we were on our way in the 5,000 degree heat with 300% humidity.  Us mountain folk are a bit spoiled, aren’t we?  We had the most incredible week in Florida.  We visited the beach 3 times, because you both loved it there.  We swam at night, took endless golf cart rides with Papa, and spent a lot of time sitting around their house laughing at both of you.  Those times are so, so important.

I’m pretty sure there were several trips to Florida in high school and college where I begged to go to the beach multiple times.  Funny how all you two had to do was say “BEACH” and we were loading up the rafts in the car again!  Not so funny was the effort I had to put into getting sand out of Ike’s butt cheeks.

The flight home was very similar to the flight there, except it was during nap time, and I knew it would have a different result.  After all, my friends have all posted pictures of their children passed out “the entire flight.”  It didn’t matter, I tried Dramamine again, jokes on me, Dramamine turns Ike into some nocturnal tasmanian-devil type creature.  I didn’t spend a ton of money in Florida, but looking back, I definitely should have purchased alcohol for the people in the seats near us.  When we sat down for our flight, the lady in front of us turned around and said, “Oh don’t worry, I am kid friendly.  I know what it’s like.”  Her smile didn’t last even 20 minutes by the time we had squirted her with a water bottle, kicked her seat repeatedly, thrown gummy bears at her, and sang “Old MacDonald” for the 600th time.

We headed back home for a quick week before we’d be packing up for our next adventure.

We had such an incredible time in Illinois last summer, but we felt really rushed.  We decided we would stay for two weeks this time.  We chose to drive through the night again, because let’s face it, no one wants to be in a tiny space with Ike for 18 hours when he’s wide awake!  Sorry kid, I love you like crazy, but wow, you are loud, and you do not like your carseat.  We left around 5 p.m. I knew it would be a couple hours before Ike fell asleep. Have I mentioned how much he loves trucks?  HE LOVES TRUCKS.  We thought his first word was duck, but looking back, he was probably trying to say truck.  Do you know how many trucks there are between Colorado and Illinois?  Do you know that he had to tell us every time he saw one?  This was 3:30 a.m….

Ike, you drifted in and out of sleep, but it was never much longer than 15 minutes before we heard, “MAMA, DADDY, 18-WHEELER, IT’S A BIIIIIG ONE!”  Good thing you’re so stinkin’ cute.

We had another incredible trip to Illinois.  My heart needed to spend some time with my old crew. You both needed to spend some time with Grandma and Grandpa and your cousins.  You ran a race, swam several times, and spent countless hours playing with all of Grandpa Joe’s special toys!

I have had several people in Illinois tell me that they’ve had difficulty finding another photographer after I left.  This has zero to do with my talent and everything to do with my ability to make a fool of myself and not care at all. Anyhow, I offered out mini-sessions to see if anyone would be interested.  3 days and almost 30 sessions later, I was beat.  The heat index on all three of the days I took pictures was well over 100.  Some women glow beautifully, I sweat, massive amounts.  This was something I just completely take for granted living in Colorado.  But, it allowed me the opportunity to get back behind the camera, and to see a lot of great people.  One of the neatest things about photography is watching children/families grow over time.  One day I’ll get better about taking your pictures, one day that knot will go away, right?

We headed back home and I couldn’t wait to really unpack the house, but mostly, to spend some beautiful time with the two of you.  I’ve found that I love the beach, the cornfields, the dessert, the forrest, the mountains, all of it.  I think it’s all about living in the now, and surrounding yourself with people who make it all worth it.  But man, pulling into that new house of ours, it just feels like home.

I love you,

Your mom.